I don’t run every day; I only do 3-4 times a week. I never intended to do serious running; it was a whim. One Saturday, realizing that I had put on some serious weight out of stress last year, I figured I needed to use the weekend to move my body. Didit came up with this crazy idea to walk 6 KM, and I had never walked that far before. The morning was subdued by grey clouds–I was worried it would rain. He said, “If it rains, we’ll grab a cab and return”. I looked up, and it was very cloudy with a chance of serious meatballs, so I reckoned I didn’t have to walk that far. However, lo and behold, as we passed our first kilometre, no rain showed up. I had never walked around on Saturday morning; all I wanted to do was curl up with my book in a cafe somewhere. Now that my nose was not buried among pages of books, I saw quite a lot of people running at MY PACE. So I was not that slow, I’m just stupid.
I ended up Forrest Gump-ed it. “RUN, EVA RUN!” I had not run for quite a while; my knees, my ankle, my lungs, my whole body felt like they were going to disintegrate by the next step. I had no proper training, pfft, no proper warm-up. My first day of running was a happy disaster. IT WAS MY FIRST 6K!!! (I, of course, was unable to walk the next day). But it hadn’t stopped me from continuing. I did not know why, I even tried the evening one, where the weather is heavy with pollution, and I feel like the whole world is just a big heated pilates room. Didit lent me his watch because I do not have a smart watch. I was so surprised that I achieved pace 7+ for my 5K. Huh, it was not bad at all. I mocked people who run as I did, those who begin at 5:30 AM, and I am one of those people now. I am out by 5:30, arrived home by 6.30 ish, and I already have my first cup of coffee.
By my fourth day running, I decided to ditch the smart watch. I hate looking up at the watch during the run, and I hate worrying about my pace. Those fancy metrics mean something, I am sure. But it steals my joy of running. As metrics no longer mattered to me, I now run for the distance. I questioned myself, what made me run at 5:30 no matter what, even if it is raining, I am out there. I was so surprised, who is this girl?!
As usual, to be immersed in this new interest. I picked a book about running. No. I did not read it to find some theory about running; my form needed improvement, but I don’t think I would fix it by reading a book. I want to read what people think when they are running. I don’t believe people run to flesh out their inner pain. I believe people run to heal their inner pain. Guess what? Haruki Murakami wrote a memoir about running, which is amazing and confirms my suspicions. He wrote:
… As I run, I don’t think much of anything worth mentioning. I just run. I just run in a void. Or maybe, I should put it the other way: I run in order to acquire a void
That’s exactly how I feel about running; I enjoyed running by myself. Sometimes I even turned off the music, I don’t want to think; I need that void. Just me, the sound of my almost collapsing but working lungs, and the tap-tap-tap of my feet. My world is loud, my work is literally about yapping and listening carefully to people yapping, which I love–don’t get me wrong. In my break time, I read, just another activity of absorbing other people’s yaps. Running offers me a sanctuary of silence, a peace. Where I can simultaneously realize how weak I am, and how amazing these mechanics of our body are. How they were created so elaborately in painstaking detail. I found God in my running thoughts. God — and how upsetting an uneven pavement is for my ankles.
Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.
A mantra I kept telling myself before my mind decided to stop, maybe just a little bit longer, look until the next person passes us–ah, a way to finally trick the ego as a revenge for their daily bullies on us.
Some additional notes: I love honey and salt as fuel for my morning run. I also think that the running vest is an amazing invention (And the soft flask!). I love bringing my Kindle along so that when I stop at a coffee shop, I can read something. I don’t see many people running for speed in my neighbourhood, which is nice. I also saw more people running in groups. I love running in the rain, but it would be stupid to do it too often. Sleeping really defines the quality of my run; one hour short of sleep meant everything. The functional training works with running and even makes it better. I really want to one day be able to do a half-marathon.
A (V) in Writing: 